


we lied to each other

by softwidowx



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bottom Tony Stark, Endgame fix it, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marvel Universe, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Slow Burn, Top Steve Rogers, different pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softwidowx/pseuds/softwidowx
Summary: The Avengers are all back. They fought Thanos, they won and survived. And now life must continue. The family is together again. It's the happy ending they deserve, isn't it?But Tony doesn't fell happy at all.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Thor, James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team, Tony Stark & Thor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	1. new times begin

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is Ni! i'm new in this platform, but i hope to be here for a long time!  
> english is not my first lenguage, so i'm sorry in advance for any grammar and syntactic errors hehehe  
> hope you enjoy it!!

Tony hasn't slept for days. He just lets himself fall on the bed, exhausted, with a small light like the ones Morgan uses on, because he's unable to live with the darkness. Loneliness doesn't help either, but for years he and Pepper don't sleep in the same bed, so Tony deals with it as best as he can, with Friday giving him conversation in a soft tone when the rhythm of his heart speeds up or when he stays so still that could be perfectly dead.

Thanos is gone, but the nightmares aren't.

Neither have fear, insecurity and distrust gone away. All continue with Tony. He was deluded in believing that everything would end after the battle, because his feelings and his fears remain the same.

"Hey Tones, it's time to get up" the little child light barely illuminates the figure of Pepper, but he doesn't need to see her to know what face she is looking at.

"Hey pretty, give me a moment"

"Peter and Morgan are waiting for you, honey". Pepper stops for a second and Tony knows she's going to say something he will not like, she always takes those dramatic breaks before giving bad news. But as he sits on the bed and looks at her through his messy hair, something changes in her.

"And Harley is on the way," she says instead.

"Sounds good" He stays silent for a moment. "All our children, huh?"

"All of them, Tones, your family"

Tony smiles, maybe he and Pepper aren't together anymore because the things between them haven't gone well romantically, but.. They both knew it from the first moment, because broken hearts do not heal so easily. But still, it's not Tony's family. It's the both. "Sure, pretend to get rid of motherhood now that Petey has returned? How cruel, Pep, is your family too".

Pepper gives him the best of her melodic laughter. She has been laughing a lot in recent days, shining all the time. Happy to have everyone back. "Yeah, sweetheart. Come downstairs with me, c'mon".

Peter and Morgan can't stop laughing, Happy seems to be finishing telling one of the terrible anecdotes of Tony's youth, omitting the details not suitable for minors and exaggerating the fun parts much more, because he never remembers them that funny. "And that's how your father almost got us expelled from the baseball stadium" Peter chokes on the "yours", but the smile with which he receives him when his eyes meet, is immediately added to the list of things to think about that Tony has to avoid nightmares.

"Laughing at me, huh?" He pretends to be outraged, but smiles at the kids. "Wait to know the story where Uncle Happy almost crashed my car" the children laugh again as Happy protests and Pepper remembers another bad anecdote.

Rhodes, Harley and Nebula have not arrived yet, but this is as close to home and as happy as Tony has been in a long time. Except... a few weeks ago, when he, Natasha and Bruce were stretched out on the floor of his office in the campound, with the now silents Clint and Thor... and with Steve making sure they at least eat once a day. Almost as in the old days as a team, a family. His first family. Even in all the chaos of trying to recover the stones and beat Thanos, even after not having been seen each other in so long, at that moment Tony was content. Now, he can't look Steve or Natasha in the eyes, he can hardly breathe the same air as Clint without feeling as if he were suffocating. He's just comfortable with Bruce and Thor.

But Tony isn't a lucky man, he knows that. And although he wish he wouldn't have to confront any of them, nor confront (again) Steve, he knows that moment will come for him.  
It happens a couple of days later. The children are still at home and Tony has been waiting for Pepper to decide to release the bad news at any time. "It's The Avengers, honey," she says softly, knowing he hasn't answered the phone since it was over, not even Bruce. "It's Thor, he's not beter".

"Do they think another depressive man can make him see reason?"

"They think you're the only person with enough authority that he listens to, Tony." Tony smiles wryly, shaking his head. "Thor is a king, nobody has more authority than him".

"You know what I mean, Tony, he trusts you" and Pepper squeezes her lips tightly, as if she wants to say something else. Something about Steve, she always does that when she wants to say something bad about Steve.

The next day he arrives early in the campound. Friday has told him that Steve and Sam continue to go to their morning races, taking Barnes with them. That only leaves two super spies and a witch to dodge. The place is now much smaller than it had been, after Thanos's army destroyed it completely. Tony hurried to rehabilitate the place so that everyone had a home to return. In less than a week, a building less like the old campound but more discreet than the tower of the Avengers was the new home of the superheros.  
Friday is also in the new building, and she guides him to get straight to the room where Thor rests without anyone catching him. What she doesn't say is that Bruce is there, asleep in the armchair with an open book on his chest. "Good morning, Brucie bear" he murmurs when the other open his eyes and yawns.

"Tony," he says with an exhale, as if he had seen a ghost. "I've called you like crazy, we need you". There's no accusation in Bruce's voice, it's more of a deep relief that he's finally there, and yet Tony gets to feel bad about it. "Sorry, bud, but I have a family.. Practically four children", he says with a smirk. "And I needed them".

"I know Tony, I'm glad you have Peter back. I'm happy for you." He doesn't feel able to keep that conversation going, so instead he says "coffee?" and Bruce smiles to him the same way Pepper does. "Yeah, of course".

While they drink coffee, Bruce tells him that the first days were very euphoric and festive, but when T'Challa and his sister, Scott, Hope and Doctor Strange left, the building fell silent. Nothing is like before. Those who left with the snap are trying to catch up as they can, and those who survived it.. well, Tony knows. Fear and nightmares go with them everywhere. Bruce also tells him that Clint will soon return with his family, to the new site that Fury has achieved. Nick is trying to rid him of his crimes, but things don't look too good. Everything is a mess. They don't want avenge the earth anymore, just rest and live in peace. But they all know that's impossible. Thor can't sleep well. He doesn't talk much either. He refused to return to space with the Guardians and eats and drinks beyond his means. Steve can't make him see reason and Bruce has stopped trying with words.  
He only changes the beers for water and stays with him until he falls asleep. He reads aloud to Thor, fills the void with his voice, with his company. But it's not enough.

"Tony?" His body trembles at the voice that calls him. Bruce must see the panic in his eyes, because he puts a protective hand on his. "He's here for Thor," he says, as if there's a chance Tony was there for something else.

"Oh" Tony closes his eyes and tries to calm his heart so he can turn around and keep at least one normal conversation. "I'm glad you're here, Tony. Thank you for giving us a home again" When he turns to face Steve, he has to close his hands in tight fists. Sam and Barnes are behind him and Tony feels the cold of Siberia sneak through his bones like a cursed memory.

"There's nothing to be grateful for, Rogers, it's the least the saviors of the earth deserve" and he says it for real, although it sounds like an irony. "Now, if you excuse me, gentlemen, a God is waiting for me".

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  
"Anthony, my friend" Thor is already sitting on the bed when he arrives with his heart still racing. Seeing Steve gives him all kinds of sensations. "What are you doing here? How is your family?" Tony smiles, because of all of them, it's always Thor who usually remembers everyone. He always asks about Pepper, knows what kind of wine she likes, asks about Happy and Rhodes, asked about Peter when Tony was still watching him from afar. Family is everything to Thor.

"The children and Pepper are fine, but it seems that you need me more than them, buddy".

Talking to Thor is easier than he had imagined. As always, the God is not afraid to express what he feels, what worries him. Tony sits on the bed with him and both fall on the pillows a while later. Thor radiates warmth and it's inevitable not to snuggle against him. Tony misses that, big and warm body next to him.

"I don't want to be a king anymore. I can't protect my people, I have failed them". The blond has his eyes closed, but his face is far from calm.

"It's okay that you don't want to be king, big guy, I'm sure Val can do a good job", Tony gives him a gentle pat on the chest. Thor's new body is not so hard, it doesn't look like a rock, but Tony likes it the same. "But you were the king who did everything possible to save them, you were the king who prevented the extinction of Asgard, you saved them and gave them a new home". Tony stays very still, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "You did a good job, Thor" Thor is crying. It's not a desperate cry, he knows that the blond is too tired for that. It's a silent and intimate weeping and that's why Tony doesn't want to look.

They stay silent for a while, eyes closed and bodies almost embraced. When Tony speaks again, Thor is breathing with normality. "You need to stop drinking, buddy. It's not good for you, and Bruce can't with this anymore". Thor shigs, but he knows that the brunette is right. "I know about... You two".

"I'm not good for your brother, Tony". Tony laughs, but he's not surprised.

"You are the only person I would trust Bruce". Thor looks at him with a sad smile, but stay silent. "You are going to try? To stop with the alcohol. I know more than anybody how hard it is but... I love you, I want you to be uncle Thor for my child, I want... God, you are the only person who will live longer than me! You're the only person Morgan will have left, you know? And I trust you, I trust you to keep her safe" His voice is rough with emotion. He don’t want to cry, to exhausted for that. Instead, he says in a trembling tone:  
"I'm an egoist, I know, buddy. But I need you clear for me and my child. Jesus.. Is that so bad? Wanting a friend? A safe place?"

“When I meet you, I was in awe with you, you know? A simple man with no fear for gods” the ghost of a smile crosses Thor's face as he talks, and Tony knows he's thinking about Loki. “You were talking to me, to my brother, as if we were nothing to you. I liked you the most, out of all of them. Back in Asgard, I said to my brother "that man has the blood of a god" and you know what he answered me? "He is only a man, but a man all gods should fear"

Tony blinks a few times as the blond speaks, trying to hold back tears. It feels good to know that despite all that he is, someone liked him like this, that they didn't expect any change from him. That they didn't want him to be less himself. “God… You remind me a lot of Loki, but you're not him, You are Tony. A man whom the gods fear. I fear you, friend. I will keep my word to protect your children, to be a good brother and friend”.

“You are all of that, always have”. Tony says, turning his body to see Thor's face, his head resting on the arm of the god. “And don’t say anything to Brucie, but you always have been my favourite”. And that makes Thor laught, and the sound is a vibration that spreads through the big body of the god and that explodes outside in the form of thunder that startles them both, making them laugh even more.

The door is closed, but Bruce can hear their laugh. New times begin for all of us, he thinks. And he really hopes that this new times will be indulgent with them.


	2. beginnins were never easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the world returns to normal, but our avengers have too much stored inside them to be able to return to normal with the rest of the world. a brief look at bruce, steve, bucky, natasha and tony moments after a visit from our favorite mechanic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter maybe it's a little bit boring, but i'm trying to give an introductory space to the feelings of the characters i want to deal with the most. BUT i think we'll see more action in the next chapter. hope u like it anyway!!

Bruce is no longer green and big. He’s small and wearing glasses again, but he no longer walks with insecurity or nervousness, trying to hide in himself, avoiding provoking the beast. Not that Tony was bothered by his previous appearance as Doctor Hulk, he has always liked the Hulk and adores Bruce, so anything was fine with him. Yet he had missed him, his human form. Bruce understands him, keeps up with him and accompanies him. Losing him after Ultron was devastating, and meeting him again after Thanos' snap as Doctor Hulk had been rare. Tony is not sure how it happened, but assumes that his desire to have everyone by his side again is what had returned Bruce to his human form.

"Glad to see you here, Tony" Bruce says, and there is a half smile on his lips. The computer on the table his sitting on has now a black screen. All man's attention is on him.

"I thought I had built a new workspace for you" "It's not really a workplace if you're not there," he says, and Tony wants to cry because, god, how he misses getting lost in time creating and building, alongside Bruce or Peter, or just with the bots. “Plus, I was just answering emails. Nothing important"

"Is Rhodey trying to recruit you as one of his secretaries?", Bruce laughs and his body is relaxed, the nervousness and tension that had been with him when they saw each other this morning are gone. "Yeah, something like that".

"He's going to be the president of the United States, can you believe it?"

"I bet you've always known"

“Of course I have known. I'm a genius and he's my Rhodey bear”.

The two laugh this time and Bruce lets Tony read the emails that he has been exchanging with Rhodes. Some are boring and some are delusional. Rhodes responded to an email at three in the morning and Bruce responded a minute later by sending him to sleep, so the next ten emails are a heated dispute about who should go to sleep first and why rest was important. Tony can't stop laughing, too surprised that, for once, neither of his two friends has had that conversation with him, but with each other. They talk and drink tea, because “it's too late for coffee, Tony”, and Bruce walks him to the car when the sun has finally set. Tony can't wait to go home and tell Pepper all the things about their "dear mister president" as they now call Rhodey to make fun of him.

"Aren't you staying for dinner, Tony?". Natasha is several steps away from them, a safe enough distance to not make him nervous. She knows him well, treats him like a scared cat and he hates that. But it’s the truth, it is what he is now. The redhead looks good, better than she has seen in the past five years. She is still pale, but the dark circles under her eyes are more blurred and her sleek, shiny hair is loose in a half-length mane that makes her look unbearably young. Tony hates to think about it. He hates the thought of Natasha's youth, the weapon she was turned into by the red room and thrown at him by Nick Fury.

"The children are waiting for me," he says, and a sour sensation gathers in his mouth. It feels like he's leaving her, but Tony can't be there for another second. He knows that Bruce has done everything possible so that no one bothered them today, but a dinner with all of them, with Steve… It's just something that he still can't handle. "Come see us whenever you want, Morgan keeps asking for you." "Sure, Tony. Then I'll go”. She looks like she wants to say something else. She's much more careful whit her expressions than Pepper, but Tony learned to read her a long time ago, he knows her quirks almost as well as the rest of the Avengers.

"God, please. You are make me feel like a father abandoning his family for a new one. Don't do this to me, guys". Tony knows that feeling is because they had been a real family. Mother hen Steve and Funny dad Tony, and the rest of them were “their kids”. Good old times. Tony misses them, but he's too cowardly to admit it. "Come see us, you are welcome at home… I just… I can't stay here, I'm sorry”.

"I'm sorry, too." Natasha looks resigned, but he knows that's not a feeling that she's willing to experience for too long.

“Be careful, Tony. Let me know when you want to come back" Bruce says, and he’s hugging him tight, making Tony warm.

"Yeah, yeah.. Call me if something happens with the big guy"

*********************************

Steve watches from the dining room window as Tony's car disappears down the road at top speed. Once again, Tony slips out of reach. When Tony came up with the solutions to bring everyone back just a couple of weeks ago, Steve deludedly believed that everything would go back to normal. It was like that for a while, but he should have known better. He should have known that the damage he had done to Tony wouldn't go away with Thanos. For a second, when Tony snapped his fingers, Steve felt himself faint. The power of those gems had completely destroyed the titan's arm and the Hulk's. Tony was… He was just a mere mortal, as much as they both hated to hear it. But Carol was right behind him, quick to grab him for the arm that was waring the gauntlet and take part of the impact. And then Thor, who held her and absorbed the remaining energy. God, Steve hasn't even thanked them yet, but he knows he owes the Captain and the God for Tony's life.

"Everything okay Steve?"

"Yeah, everything fine", Sam makes a noise that sounds like a chuckle, but Steve prefers to ignore it. “Try lying to someone else, buddy”. He says. “Have you been able to talk to him?"

"Natasha is the only one who has been able to approach, and has run immediately".

“Well, I can't say I'm surprised. There will be more opportunities, Steve, I'm sure". _Hopefully you're right_ , he thinks, _because I don't think I can live like this for much longer._ "And shave, man, you're growing your beard again."

"It's his official 'I miss Tony Stark' beard." Natasha is still like a statue in the entrance to the dining room. Spy habits never die, but Steve used to hear her coming. Now he's too unconcentrated for that.

"Did he say something?"

"Over you? No, not explicitly" Sam watches them from the kitchen counter. The dynamic between them has changed quite a bit. Everyone is happy to be alive and together, but that doesn't seem to have solved all the problems. Natasha was wrong to betray Tony. She said it right away ( _What are we doing? This is wrong, Steve_ ) and everyone pretended not to hear her. She never said anything else, but now she seems to be letting out all her frustration.

"You won't tell me, will you?"

"You know I won't. Not anymore". It hurts to say it and it hurts to hear it, but Natasha never makes the same mistakes. Or at least that's what she tries. And she tries desperately, as desperately as Steve, to get back to Tony's side.

*************************

“ _Sorry for scaring u today. arm okey. Steve and Natasha were fighting for u. i don’t know what to do with them. Thanks again_ ” Tony snorts, rereading the message. He's not afraid of Barnes, not anymore. Does he have nightmares about him? Sure. But he’s not afraid. And he's not angry either. That's why he fixed his robotic arm two days after the battle when he found him talking to Shuri. Since then, Barnes has sent him a sporadic messages to his phone. He hardly ever replies, but it seems that the man uses these messages as a kind of diary.

“ _Are they okay?_ ”

“ _no, i don’t think so. things are tense. they are… regretful for all the damage they have caused you, trying to fix it”_

_“_ _I don’t hate them”_

_"i know”_

_“I just can’t…”_ Tony sighs, erasing and rewriting the message over and over. He doesn't want his heart broken again but it sounds difficult and ridiculous to say that at his age and after everything that happened. Barnes writes another message, and it's exactly the same as the last one he sent him, but it's enough for Tony. He knows that the soldier understands him.

_“i know, tony”_

_“it’s okay”_ the soldier writes, and send another one after that.

“ _shuri tells me to take things easy. u shuld too”_

_“I’m sure Shuri taught you how to text as a teenager too”_

_“she’s smart like that”_ Barnes answers, and Tony can't help but laugh.

"What is so funny?" Peter asks. "Shuri" he says, and Harley grins like a fool, something Tony had already realized. "Yeah, she's the best," he says, causing Peter to roll his eyes and Tony to laugh again.

*****************

"Natalia. You have to stop sneaking into my room" Natasha smiles lazily, lying on Bucky's bed like she belongs there. She's been doing that a lot lately, and James can't help but think he's doing it (in part) to annoy Steve, who's right behind him. They had been watching a movie in the living room with Sam, talking about nothing in particular, with Bruce sitting at the table still with the computer, adding some data about questions Bucky asked.

"Your bed is more comfortable"

"Liar"

“Well then… See you tomorrow, Bucky. Natasha"

Neither of them say anything until Steve's footsteps are completely out of the hall. Natasha is sitting on the bed now, her red hair pulled back into a comfortable ponytail.

"Can I stay?"

James wonders if Natalia is looking for him in part for the same reason that Tony has forgiven him and talks to him, because he’s part of their past in one way or another, but he’s still external to the "avengers" factor, and therefore, a safe zone. And after all they've been in the past and what they've been through, James can't deny Natalia a safe zone.

"Sure, Natalia. Do as you want"

And when James changes into his nightwear, he doesn't even bother going to the bathroom. Natalia is already inside the sheets, looking at her phone and waiting for him. She pulls the covers aside for him when he's ready, letting him into the bed. When the lights go out and they talk about the day, about Steve, about Tony, about the past, James pretends not to notice that she is reaching out for comfort. She is always the first to fall asleep, and his instinct prevents him from doing so because _I have to keep her safe, I have to do it right this time_. However, the warmth of her body and the soft sound of the ocean waves that Friday puts on for them slowly bring him to a light sleep with calm and safe dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love nat :( i want to protect her forever! 
> 
> in case anyone asks, i will be posting the chapters twice a week, on thursdays and sundays!
> 
> stay safe everyone!!


	3. we want a different new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for the abscense!! adult life it's just.. stressful as fuck! but here we go with chapter 3! i hope you like it!

Three weeks later, Tony is returning to the Campound for an official Avengers meeting. In reality, he would rather hide in Thor's room and let the God's soft snoring lead him to a peaceful sleep. It's something they both share now. Thor sleeps a lot, due the depression and alcohol withdrawal, but (like Natasha, like almost all of them) he hates sleeping alone, so Thor goes to the cabin with Bruce, and he and Tony sleep together, seeking comfort in each other. They even sleep with Morgan sometimes in half of both of them or on the belly of 'uncle Thor', while Bruce rests or works, it depends on the day, and always drinks Pepper's tea. Bruce, who seems to be the only one with sufficient authority to decide who is the lucky person who accompanies him on his visits to the cabin, was also twice accompanied by Natasha. And both times, Tony used Morgan as a shield between them. He's not exactly proud of it, but with Morgan present, the heavy talk comes to zero. Morgan is a bridge between the two of them, a sure way to re-find common ground. They talk about braids, Disney movies and anecdotes that are slightly painful and nostalgic, and avoid Steve's name at all costs.

"Sorry, Tony, for everything. It's no use, but I want you to know that I regretted it the moment I made the decision. I accepted the consequences for five years, but I can't go on without my family, without my brother". She said on her last visit, with Morgan asleep in Tony's arms. He smiled at her, and it was a tired smile.

"I didn't hate you for a moment, Nat. I got mad because you hurt me. I never expected you to side with me, but when you did... Of all of them, I thought, 'if she's the one supporting me, then I'm doing the _Right Thing_. She trusts _me_ '. But then you dumped me, and then I thought, 'well, she _never_ trusted me after all'. And that still hurts".

"I trusted you then, Tony, i trust you now too. It was my mistake, not yours". But Tony is tired of mistakes, of looking to blame, of feeling hurt.

"We were all guilty then, Natasha. None of us got it right and we paid for it already. We have to let it go". And when she cried soft tears, without making any sound, Tony squeezed her hand tightly, wiping her tears afterward and gently brushing the red strands that escaped from Morgan's braids. "I love you, Nat. Don't cry, this is getting weird. You know I can't deal with that much emotion all at once". And she was laughing a real laugh, and he was laughing too. And he knows that they were never going to be the same, but that laugh promised them that things could be better.

Now, she was waiting for him with Bruce and Sam at the entrance of the meeting room. The rest of the Avengers and çpeople associated with them are already inside. Tony can see them through the windows talking animatedly to each other and can't help but remember the old days, Clint and Thor screaming, him laughing and pranking Steve, Bruce and Natasha more quiet but still funny jokers.

"Hi man, nice to see you here".

"Hey, Wilson. What a welcoming committee, it's all for me?".

"Presumptuous as always". Bruce jokes, "It's not a committee, more like an emergency meeting in case you didn't show up".

"I told them it was not necessary".

"Thanks Nat, you are a delight".

"I just couldn't put up with Steve for another second" Sam says, eyes rolling. "He's hysterical".

"Isn't he always?" Tony asks, avoiding knowing the reason for Steve's nervousness. He had enough with his own nervousness. "Well, let's go to the party, pals". 

"The party" is an absolute failure. Reason for meeting: Irregular status of the Avengers. Need for reorganization. Rhodey says that it is necessary to know how many assets they have, who is going to be in charge, return to work in public spaces, meetings, retrain and organize different groups for different situations and Tony's head is working at full speed, trying to find the right words to say the only thing you have come to say today. But then, when Tony has found his words, Steve, always Steve, opens his mouth to say the same.

"I'm leaving the Avengers" Tony says, more confident and determined than he really feels.

"I don't want to be Captain America anymore" Steve says at the same time and stares at him, stunned and scared.

The room is silent for longer than Tony can bear, he cannot digest the surprised and suspicious looks that pass between him and Steve. He wants to get out of there as soon as possible, but then Steve speaks again, and in the silence of the room, his voice is shaky and small.

"If you all agree, I would like to pass the shield and the title of Captain America to Sam"

"You can't be serious?!," Wilson exclaims, looking at Steve in horror. "I can't! You are the Captain!"

"I have made the decision, Sam. And it is final. I honestly cannot think of anyone with a better moral compass who can carry this weight on their shoulders. The rest of us are old, tired, too hardened, or too young, too inexperienced and innocent ". There is no lie in his words, but Tony can't believe it yet. Steve, who only knows the job and the shield, retiring. Impossible. "And I'm tired, guys. I've lost too much already. Time, people, my life. I can't do it anymore."

"And what about you?" Peter asks then, looking Tony straight in the eye. _Shit,_ he thinks, _don't be disappointed, please, Peter._ "Have you two talked about this?"

"What? No! I was already practically retired. I hadn't done anything as an avenger for five years, I just came to the 'final battle' and now I intend to go home and continue living in peace."

"We can't lose the bosses the same day, guys, this is crazy," Scott Lang says.

"I haven't been a boss for a long time" Tony says in return, tired already and the discussion is just beginning.

"Neither did I" Stave shrugs his shoulders, as if the discussion wasn't with him at all. "Nat has been in charge for these years, with Rhodey and Carol. It was obvious to me that they were going to keep leading."

"And that's it?" Bruce asks, resigned.

"I will continue to work as your mechanic, although I hope to have Harley's help for this. And Peter, if he wants."

"Are you crazy?" Peter asks, looking at him as if he just said something extremely stupid. "Of course I do, Tony"

"I can help train the new avengers, it's the only thing I can offer" Steve says.

"So if that's it, you two can leave the meeting" Carol says, drawing a surprised gasp from the Avengers, but Tony can feel a sense of relief run through his body. _That's it,_ he think, _it's over_. "As outside workers to the principal group, you will be sent a report of what you need to know when the meeting is over, with a new contract for your new job." Rhodey says, looking directly at him with some sort of proud and annoyed look. _I can live with it._ He thinks.

"Tony?" Steve is already standing by the door, ready to get out of there. Waiting for him. Her hands are shaking a little, but that doesn't stop her from standing up with all the dignity she still has to walk toward him with a confident step. "Ready for retired life, old man?", he asks, and when Steve smile at him his little shy smile, there's no nausea in the pit of his stomach for the first time in a long time when Steve addresses him. "Ready when you are, Tony".

He smiles at him too, it's not a very big smile and his eyes are still hidden behind his sunglasses and when he comes out of there, with Steve on his heels, he no longer gets to hear any noise from the meeting. So he doesn't hear when Peter says "Man, that was... disgusting" and the rest laugh "Yeah" Sam says, "and a progress too". 

**************************

“Are you going back to the cabin, Tony?". Steve never calls the cabin tony's home, he can't stand it, just thinking about it is too painful.

"No, I wait for James” he says, searching in the kitchen cabinets for some of Bruce's infusions. He's cutting back on coffee, trying to take care of himself for Morgan, for the boys. God, he doesn't want to pass any of his crazyness on to any of them. "Arm review"

"Oh, Bucky... I thought you were talking about… Are you.. uhm, okay? With the arm check?"

Tony arches an eyebrow, stopping in his tracks, "are you okay with that?"

"Yes, of course I am!” Steve responds quickly, awkwardly instead. "I trust you, Tony, it's more than proven that only bad things happen when I don't".

"At ease, soldier. I wasn't accusing you of anything" And it's true, for the first time in weeks, Tony is controlling himself around him. He's nervous, but not afraid or in a defensive mode.

Steve doesn't say anything, he doesn't know what else to say. Talking is too complicated again, like when he was a skinny kid, like at the beginning of having been rescued from the ice. All the ease he shared with Tony is gone, even when he thought he got it back while they planned to retrieve the gems.. He must have known it wasn't going to be that easy. He is so lost in his thoughts that Tony's voice surprises him.

"You deserve it, you know?" he says, leaving one of the infusions he has prepared near him. "Retire, stop saving the world. You've earned it, you deserve it."

"You too, Tony. You have done more for the world than anyone can ever do", he responds quickly, too nervous to let those words get him too excited.

"It's not a competition, Steve", he says easily, sipping the infusion from him. "Get on your motorcycle, go see the world for real. And rest"

"Yeah... That sounds good, maybe I will. But, Tony.. There's only one place I want to be, you know that" he says in a whisper, looking into his big brown eyes. "I hope I can come back, sometime. I hope you know that I'm really sorry. I hope you let me come back to you, Tony."

"Steve, I don't know if I..."

"Stevie?" Bucky is steps away from them, and Steve curses him inwardly for interrupting him. "All good?" he asks quickly, glancing at Tony out of the corner of his eye.

"I think I'm in the retirement club? I'm not quite sure about fighting. I'm also not sure that Sam will let me go so easily, but at least I will have a few months of reviews and tests?"

"God, Robocop! I've never heard you say so many words in a row".

Bucky smiles a real smile and Steve almost forgets what his friend interrupted. “Yeah, well, if you were around here you would surely hear me speak more"

"Mhm, he's got a lot to say lately.." Steve says in a whisper, and that comment makes Tony chuckle.

"Someone needs to remind you to get your head out of your ass, Stevie."

“Super soldiers.. I am so sorry for Nat for being in charge of you two" they both look at him, offended, but Tony won't let them answer anything "Come on, Robocop! The maintenance of that arm is not going to be done alone. Harley is already waiting for us in the lab".

Bucky is laughing softly, calling the elevator and Tony is heading there with his cup in hand, escaping from him, from their conversation, leaving his heart hanging by a thread again. ”Tony”, he begs.

“I can’t, Steve. I am not ready for this…” he says, looking at him with wet eyes, with so much sorrow and pain that it’s unbearable to still look at his beautiful doe eyes.

When the elevator closes, Steve allows himself to collapse against the kitchen bench.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you like my story, for now it's an stevetony endgame fix-it (idk if later I'll go crazy and turn it into an ot3 cofcof stuckony cofcof) but there will be a happy ending for sure bc i'm a fragile person and i can't deal with so much angst!  
> i really really will appreciate all of ur comments and opinions!
> 
> tons of love for all of u!


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